Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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