I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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