ya dads aren't the best wingmen
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
