it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
