I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
