Please, let me fuck your mom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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