When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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