the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize