i'm signing you up for texting rehab
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
