Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
