I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
