I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
