Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
