You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
