I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
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It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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