im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
