i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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