He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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