Just mADE A PArabola og urine
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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