so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
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just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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