If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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