The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
