I accidentally had phone sex last night
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
