Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
