How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
