i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
