Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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