i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
