it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
