I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
