As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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