we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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