Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
