Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
