Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
