chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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