what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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