I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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