sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
