he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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