The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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