Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize