Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
