I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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