think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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