Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
