I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
