We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
