i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
