This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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