so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
