Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
