either way he was missing a nipple.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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