The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
