My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
