what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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