I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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