ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
