i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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