Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
