I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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