Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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