My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
