Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
