I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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